Average Bear?

...after that cruddy run my foot and IT band really flared up. Stress, I know it was all stress related and so I decided that this girl needed to just chill for a week, or try anyway. Step one: Do not run. I love to run, but clearly the body was sending me warning signals. Step Two: Try to sleep!

Well, I did step one and you know what? Not running is always a recipe for disaster when it comes to the mood. So my mood spiraled. I do have lots of stuff going on , on the personal front, but not running in addition is just ...lets see...ARYSCAY!!!!!! (piglatin for those of you who do not have the blessing of living with a 13 year old!)

I decided that after a week I would run...and so Saturday I did an easy 4 miles. Right at 8:30/mile. By mile 3 I was almost asleep I was so relaxed. The body tolerated it nicely and my mood was much better. The run in conjunction with encouragement from a wonderful friend brought me back to life. I woke up today and just decided to take my time waking up. I woke at about 7 but then decided to just fall back asleep. By 9 it was time to get moving. gym clothes went on and off I went. I checked the weather as I debated getting out of bed. it was 19! I do not like 19. The sun was streaming into the room and thought for sure it was atleast 35. But after seeing the temp, and being the wimp I am, I decided to just run inside. Well as I walked from my car to the club entrance, I was nice and toasty!!!! I was very upset with my wimpy self for not just gearing up. I hit the mill anyway and it was a good run.

As I was running I got into a nice trance just staring at the weight bench infront of me. My mind just emptied. Now and then a decision about this or that would pop in and answers would emerge...and then I would drift out again and just be in the run. 6 miles and it felt like 5 minutes. I wish I could run 6 miles in 5 minutes!!!! It was very nice to just "be" in the run. It has been a long time since I have felt that.

I will be extra careful as I head into the week though. stressors are still high and the body just feels a tad comprimised. So maybe just 5-6 mile runs each AM would be just fine. I feel like such a slacker when I do that, and yet have to remember that it is still more than the average bear. I just dont want to be an average bear though!

Horton should learn to run....

...that should be the name of this silly blog. What a crap run tonight.

The goal was a solid tempo run. 2 mile warm up and then 2x2 miles at 7:00 min/mile with 1 minute recovery. I freakin flopped. I did the 2 mile warm up and then 1 mile in 7 and I just wanted to stop and cry. Walked with the coach while he gave me a pep talk... then I said I was ready to try again. Another mile right at 7 but lost it at the end again. What a loser I tell ya. The body seemed okay from a technical perspective. I was told the stride looked good and solid, but my mind and focus was not there as much as I tried. In the first tempo mile I held it for about 1/2 a mile at a solid effort and was able to clear the head but then lost it. The second tempo mile I manged to hold it until the last .2 and then again lost focus and it all fell apart.

So it was not my day. Hopefully next week will be better. I am completely aware that these tough sessions and times is what makes the good runs feel even better. It is that whole yin/yang thing. Good does not feel good without bad. You need the whole spectrum to even feel one end or the other. And so today we took the crap side of the spectrum and made it crappier, so that perhaps the good times to come will be better than I can imagine. I can only hope.

My running is the one thing in my life that has always kept me going. And go on I will.

Tomorrow is rest day...the most important part of training. A time to reflect, learn and think....and psych up to pick myself up and go at it again come Saturday. What a cycle...

Brrrrrrrr....

I really wanted to run outside today. And I know that several of my "real runner" friends did. But I just cannot muster up the energy to do that. Maybe I need better gear and I then I would not be so "afraid". I do get scared of getting too cold. I have gotten so cold before that it has taken me a hot bath and layers and mutliple layers of blankets to warm up. It is like I can feel ice on my bones. I remember when I was in college and I was so covered in blankets that my friends could hardly see me!!!!

Anyway, I did the wimpy 12 mile run today. 8 on the track and 4 on the mill. Then did a 30 minute swim. It was a fine run. The foot is buggin me. little tweak that comes and goes throughout the run. I hope it passes soon. Kept a comfortable pace just below 8 mins..probably around 7:55 or so.

I need focus though. If this foot thing can pass and I can get in a few good tempo runs I will do the New Bedford 1/2. Then gear up for spring/summer racing. I really really hope that injuries stay away. It gets so much harder it seems as I get older and as the stresses in life increase.

okay, this was a boring post..but post it is! Will head off now for some stretching and core stuff, maybe a little yoga and call it an early night. Recovery run in the AM............

Thank GOD for running....seriously...I am not sure where I would be right now without it.

Ready to hit the bike Path....

well, it has almost been 2 full months since I ran Tucson. Why does it seem like it was just yesterday...and yet on the other hand feels light years away. Since Tucson we have had Christmas, New Years, and just way way too much time away from Sister if you ask me.

...and way too far away from race plans. More importantly, marathon plans. I have not run a marathon since Boston 2010. That run was right after a friend of mine passed away. And was proceeded by a stress fracture that winter. The marathon remains so important to me, for reasons that are so so personal. And many marathoners would understand I am sure.

But to run a marathon again after 2 years...it will be like the "first" again. Firsts are always so sacred and special. And in many many ways this is truly my first. My first marathon knowing what I am capable of, what I have accomplished before me, lessons learned along the way, and so this will be my "first" marathon as a "real" runner. And readers, I do not mean to say that it is not real to have done what I have to date, but it is a mind thing. I have finally accepted and seen myself as a runner. Even in 2010, running 3:37 at Boston, I felt like I was "lucky" and that I was not "really" a runner. But today, and thanks to wonderful mentors, I feel like a runner now and run I will.

To even be able to get to the start line is such a prize. I recall many many years ago being told that I had ruined my body.....so anytime I get to the start line, and cross the finish of the 26.2 mile journey, it is a reminder that I am a figher and a survivor and that I can pretty much overcome any obstacle.

I have posted before about the 26.2 mile cycle. You start elated, and scared, but excited! Much like how one feels as a young adult. You hit a nice patch of mileage and just think, I am soooo cool. Then you hit another stretch where reality sets in, "Wait, I have to keep this up for another 16 miles?" Then you start to question, why did I do this? What am I doing? Can I keep this up? Then it kicks in again at mile 20 and you say and you recognize that you are stronger than you thought. and then 3 miles later you say, "oh , shit, I guess I am not so strong, " and as you hit the last water stop you tell yourself, "Tania, you have done this a million times, a 5K, this is easy.....and will only be harder now and later if you toss in the towel so throw it all out there." and then you do, and when you are .2 from the finish you hear crowds, you know the end and goal will be reached in seconds and you SPRINT!!!! A gifted energy. Totally amazing. Then you cross the finish and cry. And everytime I have said to myself "what a journey". The marathon has made me stronger in life. Life has made me stronger in the marathon.

And we have two stacked up this fall......and I am living for them both at the moment.

Winter.....

I would love to just bundle up and hit the outdoors. I am just so nervous about hitting a patch of ice or running while being so cold that I strain an improperly warmed up muscle. See, the last two times I trained hard outside was for Boston and both times I was injured right before the race and then unable to really race all summer. So I try to tell myself that I am glad I dont have to train for Boston this year...but deep down...I am missing it. Boston 2014...that is the goal. New qualifying times!!! But, I don't just want to meet the qualifying time, I want to be able to sign up on day one! That means that I have to run 20 mins better than the qualifying time which for my age will be 3:45. So I will have to pull out a 3:25 marathon. Tough goal, but goals are supposed to be challenging right? Honestly, if i can run 3:30 or better I will be thrilled.

Cruise control these days is right about 8:20 - 8:30/mile. Tonight I wanted a bit more of a work out and so ran 6 miles at a 7:40/mile pace. Nice and strong and steady. I was a tad annoyed by all the folks on the track that dart in and out not really paying attention. January at the Edge is just insane. Anyway it was a good run. A good run after a hard day at work is always good. Lets hope we sleep well tonight!

Sleep - that is the other hard thing about winter. If I run at night, I am all wired and cannot sleep. But if I try to get up in the AM to run early, it is all dark and I just want to pull the blankets over my head. The first run of the week determines if it will be an AM or PM schedule. This week...we are looking at a PM schedule. I slept awful last night and so an AM run was out of the question. I cannot run 6 miles at 6 PM and wake up 12 hours later and run again. That just leaves this old lady exhausted!!!!! (and potentially injured)

Speaking of exhausted......I think I should hit the sack.

'night....

All rested......right!

You know, not having a race to prep for, combined with Holidays is just a recipe for disaster. I watched on facebook as my friends did the "gooofy" challenge and thought to myself that I should do that one year. So for all you readers that do not know what that is...it is an event held at Disney. Half marathon on Saturday followed by a full marathon on Sunday. You get 3 medals. 1 for the 1/2 1 for the full and then a "goofy" medal for doing both. It probably is pretty good timing. Taper would be right at the holidays.....

Anyway I am currently trying to come up with my plan for 2012. The marathon remains my favorite race. There is something about the marathon, it is long enough where you can really contemplate during the run and think...and experience the run and pull it all out....and when you are done you really feel done and deserving of a nice rest. So the marathon will be the goal at the end of the year. A fall one, with a goal that I will not announce - that is bad luck, only the coach knows the goal. I am thinking Mohawk Hudson will be the run. It is a fall marathon and is small. Starts in Albany NY. Good course and size to be able to race. No crazy 5 hour "get to the start" logistics like Boston. And there will be mini goals on my way to that. I have a few 1/2 marathons picked out as well. New Bedford 1/2 is in march, but that may be too soon, but could be just a good training run. Then there is the Tortonto 1/2 in May that would be really good timing. Honestly I am hoping to have a strong racing season this summer. I will do the 5K and 10 K races although they are not my favorite. They just hurt!!!!

Right now it is all about just maintaining and not getting hurt. I am trying really hard to listen to the body and evaluate before I just hit the road. This past week I was tired, all around tired, and not eating well, not sleeping well and my body just ached and so I did not run. There was part of me that just wanted to head out and pound out the miles to relieve stress, but I know all to well now , that it only leads to injury and so I just got through my week. I did head out this AM and did a real easy 6 mile run with a friend and then some strength training.....body, soul and mind all felt much better and the body feels better as well. Hopefully next week will be better and I can resume my normal running routine.

I am pretty excited and optimistic about this upcoming training season.

It will be a long few months of cold runs, treadmill and track but hopefully come spring it will all be worth it.

Okay, off to bed...time to rest up! I have a run to do tomorrow!!!!

A PR - and now rest

well, my last long run prior to this race was simply terrible. It was a 13 mile run with 5 in the middle and my hopeful 1/2 marathon pace: 7:30. I cruised along for 5 and then started in on the faster miles. The first 3 were fine and then I crashed. Blood sugar crashed, my legs went heavy and I literally stopped and almost started crying...but instead got pissed and moved on and went as fast as I could which was barely 7:50. The run also ended with the calf all seized up again.

The next day I was favoring the hurt leg. I decided that I had to just not run until it was better. I had to get to the start healthy. And Trust - trust that truly the training was over. Trust what I have been told and what scientifically has been proven, that you dont lose fitness in 2 weeks. so the, I would have to be sure that I did not lose the mental edge and I had to ensure that self doubt did not creep in. I tend to be one that has to consistently practice, and get validation often, in order to believe. Trusting is very very hard for me.

Thursday prior to the race I headed to Arizona. Long day of travel with messed up flights and etc. I was happy to just get to sisters house and crash! On Friday I got up and did a short run. it was my first run in 2 weeks and I wanted to see how the leg would do. It felt fine walking around and so this would just be a "mental" boost to remind me that I can still run, prior to hitting the start line. I started out and suddenly I cannot breath. The dirt in the air and cotton fields with fluff flying everywhere just really did a number on me. I did run 3 miles right at 7:30 and it was fine...but I was thinking, no way can I pull of 13 of these suckers at this pace.

Next stop of the day was Target where I got some allergy pills and some wine to chill out!!!!

My 3 mile run on Saturday was just to get the nerves out and to try to settle in on some goals. Again the leg was tight, I was frustrated, I truly had no clue what would happen at the race. I do know that something does happen once a # goes on and you get to the start of a race that totally changes things and so once again, I had to trust and just chill out!!! #1 Goal - 7:30 pace or any finish time under 1:40- a Personal best. #2 - Just go whatever pace and have a fun run. #3 - Get to the start and finish healthy if all else fails.

3:45 on Sunday I wake up to get ready for the run. This is a 7 AM start and the bus to the start leaves at 5:00 so it was early!!!! I made the bus and sat next to a girl who was running her first 1/2 marathon. She was so excited. He goal was to just finish. It is always nice to remember that feeling of the "first" race. no expectation and the finish exciting regardless of your time. Nothing like the first. She also told me that she just found out that morning that she was pregnant and was going to surprise her husband at the finish. She was just a doll, full of life. Really made me relax a bit. Here I was a 42 year old, stressed by work, all worked up about running a certain pace and along comes miss sunshine. It was a bit of a slap in the face, which is what I needed. She asked lots of questions like, "Can i stop to drink water?" "are there portlets". "Where should I start"....just too adorable. I tell ya, that is why I love this sport. I always meet someone at each event that just offers a bit to my life.

At the start there were heaters everywhere. These arizonians are funny! 35 and there are heaters at the start...what a crack up. Well, suddenly my tune changed. i did wear some pants and a sweatshirt that I planned to rip off right before the start and just ditch, but for 35 and windy that really was not enough. I was shaking like a leaf and fighting for a spot at one of those heaters. So the joke was on ME!

Finally it was start time. I toward the front , figuring if I could hold 7:30 that I did not want to be frustrated by passing folks the whole time. It was a good placement. I finished right with folks that started right next to me. The first mile was right at 7:30. The leg was pain free - amazing - and my breathing was totally fine. Race adrenaline? A miracle? Not sure what, but I just took it. The next miles were are sub 7:30 just cruising really. I was exhilarated, simply happy. Breathing was nice and easy. I figured I would turn it on at mile 10 if I still felt great. At mile 8 the course started to get daunting. Seeing mile markers ahead for miles was just mentally taxing. No rolling terrain just flat flat flat. I am not sure I really like that. Then at mile 11 came hills, well, my legs that had been on downhill or flat for 10 miles did not like THAT! They just froze up. 2 miles at an 8 pace and i wanted to cry, I wanted to quit. the mental conversation was intense. I told myself "Tania, you are mad because you are running an 8 pace? Years ago that would be a great pace for a whole half marathon!" Then another part said "Tania, you looser, pull your crap together. In less than 20 minutes you will be done." But 20 minutes of pain mentally and physically just seemed impossible. Then "Tania, in 20 minutes you can collapse if you want...the finish will feel better if you know you pulled out all you have got!" And the conversation went on. At one point I just stopped and bent over...I gave myself one minute to pull my shit together. I looked at the watch, and just breathed......and then off I went.

Finish time of 1:38:57. I hit my goal. And, I was upset. how does that happen. I was pissed because that could have been 1:35:57 if I had not stopped and slowed so much. I instantly went into "what can I do better next time."

But then they handed me the medal and I saw my sisters smiling face and I suddenly felt happy. I should be happy...this was a good effort.

Once again a race, that really reminds me of life. Good times, hard times, pull it together times, but if you push on and persevere, never quit and keep going through the uncomfortable, the prize is so so sweet. Just keep going after the goal. Has running taught me this or did life prep me for being able to do this during a run?? I think it is the later. And skills I keep applying to life.

And the medal, it is soooo cool. And the race #'s...awesome. They printed our names on them!!!!

Okay, now to finish up getting ready for Christmas. Talk about pushing on....the prize will be happy kids on Christmas day.